Pep Talks

I wonder how many people have very real debate within their minds for control of a positive outlook. What that looks like for everyone else. Is it a short conversation to themselves in the morning while having the first cup of coffee or is it like refereeing a group of athletes with all of their pressure and fears? After having a horrible week I realized I cannot count the number of pep talks I give myself on a daily basis. Honestly it is a constant, all day event some days or weeks depending on the life phase.

You are going to be okay. This situation will work out for good. No, it's not the end of the world and it won't look like this forever. This is just a test. The Lord refines those He loves. Yes, He loves me. He has steadfast, covenant-promised love for my family. I will NOT fail this test this time. God Alone. Tetelesti. It's okay. It's okay. Deep breath. Be thankful in all circumstances. Be thankful. He has me. I am His and He is mine. He is faithful. He has been and He will be.

I might actually repeat these things and more all day.  I wonder if anyone else does this. Learning the concept of taking my thoughts captive has been a lesson I needed to learn. There are times when I catch myself in stupid, wasteful, or sinful thoughts that were allowed to spin out of control. No reign over these kinds of thoughts can change your outlook on life and on other people. No one has control over your mouth or your mind but you.  "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5.  It is a lot of work though.

Awareness of what is going on between your ears is a practice. Goodness, it can take all your mental energy. That has been my week. I have a lot of time with my own head on the daily and it can take its toll on my heart and my body. Some days I am completely exhausted before dinner because of all the internal fighting. I probably sound like I need to be committed. For what it is worth, being committed for any mental problem is covered 100% by your insurance. Nothing else is, but they want to make sure you are alive so they can keep making money on you. They love to offer me this when I call for other coverage. Um, thanks?

For all of those people who blame their decisions on the voices in their head, I have this to say. You are in control of your mind and we all have our demons who know where to hit us. They know exactly what to say when we are vulnerable. Usually those voices sound similar to our own, otherwise we would recognize an imposter and figure out quickly how to quench it. If those thoughts are left unchecked I believe it is almost as bad as when a person hears something negative about themselves for so long they begin to accept that negativity as a part of who they are. If one is told every day that they are ugly, they will most definitely believe it. Why then would those demons not speak constant whispers about how we fail at every aspect of our lives and then come in with the upper cut of not living up to the holiness that we are in Christ?

But God. Those two words are used all over the Bible and I love them. Bleakness, sin, sorrow, mourning, despair. The list goes on. Then He throws in a But God. He is the definition of overcoming. I have no idea how people manage this life without the Great I Am. He is the refresher and the prize and everything in between in this life.

I picture myself lately on the ground in runners stance getting ready to race. Sometimes it is mid-race and I have fallen and I am getting back up. I give a nod to all of the spectators, take in a deep breath and then shoot a fierce look of determination all around and then fix my gaze upward. I am going to finish this race and finish this race well no matter how many hurdles get in my way. I am still here so there must be good reason. Tomorrow He will give me fresh grace, mercy, forgiveness and wisdom when I ask. Race on.

This Title

I seriously cannot even believe this title was available. It may seem like a small deal to you but it is not to me. It comes from a verse in the Bible: "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." 1 Peter 2:9. Out of darkness I sure have come. Not that I am there, or have arrived, but I am out of the darkness. That was a terrible place to be. Proclaiming excellencies is the least I can do.

Thank God I am not in that place now, but at a place where I can truly take a deep breath and know that it will be okay. Life will be okay. The journey I am on that I did not get to pick, to the extravagant emotions that range from breathtaking awe and beauty to extreme heartache and moments of sheer breathlessness. Sometimes those two ranges of emotion happened at the same time. How the human mind and soul can handle all of this is beyond my ability to comprehend. I do not see a shrink (although a good argument could be made for me to make this happen) but figured I could instead blog about it. You know the world needs more opinionated people letting people know what they think.

Everyone has a story. Some have hard lives from the day they were born. Others like me came from a more blessed upbringing and the major life altering trials came later. At the time you could not have told me my problems were not a big deal. Because my life at the time was all there was. Ah yes, ignorant me. Honestly, it is a great thing that grown people do not divulge all the extreme details of the later years because our minds would have exploded. We might all have taken the gypsy single life over the college life. Not that I am judging anyone who has done this (I really am not). This life is hard to handle no matter what path you chose for yourself or the paths that are allowed for you once you picked the direction. That whole free will idea.

That should blow your mind like is does mine. We have this free will but then we make choices that bite us in the rear. Maybe things happen out of our control because we did not bother to consult The Counselor. Oh yes, I have quite the ashamed experience in this category. I am sure I am not alone, either. Not that it makes me feel that much better when I have to lie in my own pile, because it does not. Lessons learned really only sink in for me when I experience all there is to experience first hand. Yep. Go me. 

Even through my wild idiocy I have been tremendously blessed. Maybe His mercy and His grace really do cover all (imagine He is true to ALL His words)! That took a while to learn, but heavens. So good to know. 

As far as concrete direction for each of my entries goes.....bahahaha. Right. I feel like I could type forever when I start but have no clear direction because there are just so many options. This will be a nice little ride I suppose. Jump on or don't. I am excited I am finally answering the call to "write". Okay, God. I will write. For whatever purpose, after 4 years of telling me to, here I go.